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  • Misha Bogart-Monteith

Am I sexual instinct dominant?

Sexual Instinct dominant people (SX) are intense. They communicate through their eyes and by sending energy through their body language, dress, and probing questions. They move through the world seeking what attracts them and repelling that which is dull, unsafe, or in someway outside of their radar. When caught in the gaze of their attention, you may feel like the only person in the world. As a friend recently put it, “I always feel like I end up saying more than I wanted to say." ⠀ ⠀

The superpower of the sexual dominant person is that they are passionate and able to penetrate and merge with an object of fascination and, in the process, transform themselves. They are the phoenix rising from the ashes again and again. They know how to generate and create something that long outlasts themselves leaving an impression on generations afterwards (literally in the form of reproduction or figuratively in ideas and projects they produce). ⠀ ⠀ The shadow of the over-identified sexual instinct is that their constant pursuit of the "juice" becomes too much like an addiction. Transformation is powerful but can be unmoored if one transforms constantly without being tethered to foundations or to a community. SX dominant people can be overly inappropriate and alienating in the social domain, and can non-consensually cross boundaries and cause harm. Through fascination, they can objectify people in their attempts at mining for gems of intrigue. ⠀ ⠀


People who are SX dominant might feel that their intense interest in connecting with another person is entitled to them (or even a marker of true intimacy), since they are wanting to go “below the surface” and “deepen the relationship;” hence the commonly used name for this instinct: the one-to-one instinct. We would argue, however, that without the balance of the social instinct―which is concerned with the well-being of and connection to the other person―SX dominant instincts may end up seeking the energy more than the relationship or care for the other person. In its most distilled form, an over-identified SX instinct may see others as surrogates for energy.


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